Thursday, December 31, 2009

Limppaw Resting Uncomfortably

Media icon Tush Limppaw collapsed after an overdose of insight at an Hawaiian resort, his medical team said.

Rushed to the Faith Healer wing of Ancient Gods Hospital, the porcine blowhard was treated by emergency shamans for what they called 'an unprecendented attack of conscience.'

'All of a sudden it came over him what an asshole he had always been,' a nurse related. 'The inconsistencies, the lies, the fearmongering, the egotism, the addiction, the verbal rape and violence: it was like it all backed up on him at once.'

Experts caution that most do not survive such a searing self-appraisal.

'It was the gods that helped,' said the chief shaman. 'For some reason, they wanted this man alive. Not to give testimony to his enlightenment, of course, for he would never do that. But to show the rest of us that divine favor, however granted, requires our cooperation. It can always be rejected by the small minded.'

The hospital reports that its expert team of shamans has now withdrawn from the case on the grounds of hopelessness.

Limppaw is said by hospital sources to be still shuddering at his encounter with reality. But he is working his way back to normality by 'eating way too much food' and 'insulting everyone on the staff who is female or of color, while fawning on the white guys.'

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